Q: My grandmother used to say, “I’m so low I could crawl under a snake with a high hat on.” That’s exactly how I feel right now. I was sure the interviewer liked me, yet I just got rejected for a job—again. This makes three straight rejections. Am I doing something wrong, or are these employers discriminating against me?
—Evan, Gilbert, Arizona
A: Have you ever heard the parable of the three blind men describing an elephant? Each touched a different part of the animal and formed entirely different conclusions. The one who felt the trunk believed elephants were long, flexible, and narrow. The one who touched a tusk thought they were smooth, hard, and sharp. The one who ran his hands over its side described it as large, rough, and wrinkled.
While each observation was accurate in its own way, none of the men saw the full picture. Yet, each was convinced his perception was correct. This is a perfect metaphor for job interviews—where perception often shapes reality.
If you’ve ever walked out of an interview convinced you’d receive an offer, only to be met with silence, you’re not alone. Interviews are short interactions with high stakes, creating ample opportunity for miscommunication. Both job seekers and hiring managers bring their own assumptions, past experiences, and biases to the table, shaping their understanding of the interaction.
Since interviewers often have just a few minutes to assess candidates, misperceptions frequently go unchallenged, leading to unexpected rejections. Unfortunately, job seekers sometimes bring their own “baggage” to the process—leading them to make assumptions that may not be true:
Common Misconceptions That Sabotage Your Job Search
1. They won’t hire me because I’m a woman, a minority, or a white male.
Believing that hiring decisions are based solely on bias can create an unconscious sense of defeat, which may influence your demeanor during the interview. A self-pitying or defensive attitude can unintentionally sabotage your chances—even if you’re highly qualified.
2. When they say I’m overqualified, they really mean I’m too old.
Sometimes, overqualification is a legitimate concern unrelated to age. I once heard from a Ph.D. in computer science who was turned down for a help-desk role. He assumed age discrimination was at play, but the reality was different: The job required far less expertise than he had, and the recruiter feared he would become bored or leave quickly for a more advanced position.
3. If I’m unemployed, companies assume I’m unemployable.
This belief can be particularly damaging. I once worked with a client who had been laid off from a pharmaceutical company. She was so ashamed of being unemployed that she told potential employers she was still consulting for her previous company. However, this half-truth made her job search more complicated. She had to adjust her story mid-process, leading to inconsistencies that ultimately cost her opportunities.
4. If I didn’t get along with my former manager, they’ll ruin my references.
In reality, most former employers prefer to give neutral or positive references rather than burn bridges. I once had a client who was convinced her previous boss would give her a scathing review. When I checked the reference, her former employer called from London and provided an enthusiastic recommendation, praising her skills and professionalism.
Breaking the Cycle of Rejection
If you’ve faced multiple rejections, it’s time to take an honest look at your interview approach. One or two interviewers may have personal biases, but if three or more employers have passed on you, the issue may be within your control.
Are you coming across as discouraged, defensive, or desperate? Are you pushing too hard? Small shifts in attitude and communication style can make a significant difference. Self-awareness and a commitment to refining your interview technique can help you turn the tide in your job search.
By focusing on what you can control—your confidence, presentation, and mindset—you’ll be in a far better position to land the job you deserve.
